Two Roads

It's hard to believe that almost a whole year has passed since I sent in my CBYX application and that new people are getting ready to send in theirs soon. It's even harder to believe that 2010 is upon us and I've been living in Germany for five months now. The States seem really far away and I tend to unknowingly distance myself from people back "home". Honestly, I don't miss it at all. The dogs and Lady are probably the ones I miss most, to tell the truth. With Goethe-Institut students going home for the holidays, it's so surreal that you can just jump on a plane and be on the other side of the world, with the same people you've lived with your entire life, in a matter of hours. At the moment, I can't even begin to fathom that. Erin's gone home to New York, but for her it's not so weird since she was there in October as well; in that case, her stay in Freiburg could be compared to a studious vacation. Ich vermisse meine Freundin von grossen Portionen sehr! I don't know anybody else who completely understands any of our strange, twisted inside jokes.
I feel like I've just relocated for an unknown period of time and as strange as it sounds, Bahlingen is home. People here who don't yet know me really well always ask how long I've been in Germany, until when I'm staying and if I'm homesick. Tonight at Christmas Eve dinner, I kind of internally freaked out after I got several "so, bis wann bleibst du?" questions and at the suggestion of my amazing, handsome, intelligent, buff host dad (and I'm totally not saying all that because I know he'll be reading this :)), I have a brand spanking new standard answer: "so lang wie möglich". I find it to be an improvement from "Alsooo... bestimmt bis Juni, und dann... vielleicht, bleib' ich?" There are some days when it's crystal clear to me that I'm meant to stay, and then there are others when the whole thing seems completely impossible to pull off. The former comes much more often than the latter, though; whether that's a good or a bad sign, I have no idea. My brain attempts to logically analyze the situation but my heart tells me to stay. Where I ended up just seems like too much of a coincidence. I mean come on, how many German-Canadian families (who just happen to end up with an American exchange student) do you find in the area? So what if I'm not taking the traditional college route like everyone else? Sure, I might be missing something regarding dorm life but I'm pretty sure I'd be more than willing to give that up in order to stay here. I simply cannot see myself leaving in June, and that's that.

On the other end of the spectrum, no matter how amazing one's host family is, it's often unbelievably difficult to figure out how to "fit in". It really messes with your head when you're the outsider guest with people who have lived their entire lives with each other, and accepting another is probably one of the most awkward things. Sometimes it just really sucks. That's probably the hardest thing for me as an exchange student. Something that's become an unexplainable minor "pet peeve" of mine is when someone says "wenn du zurück nach Hause gehst..." They really don't mean anything by it and technically, it's accurate. It's called an exchange year, and not an exchange life for a reason. 
The entire family sitting there at Christmas Eve dinner caused me to think about all of this again for the hundredth time, but I started out intending to write about general things I've been up to lately, since my last post was in November. Next post -- versprochen!
Last but not least, Happy Holidays to everyone.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

-- Robert Frost